Squirrels Are Evil

Squirrels are evil…I swear they are.  I have a long relationship with the squirrels world.  as a child in Montreal my mother would let the squirrels into our kitchen to play with my skunk.  Yes you read that right…I had a skunk named Petunia. They would tease my skunk, and she would turn her bum at them, to try to spray them, but she was descented…no spray. Poor thing just kept doing circles around the kitchen till she got dizzy and fell over. I loved her very much but she would stay awake all night…skunks are nocturnal…sneak out of the kitchen, and poop in everyone’s shoes.  My teenage siblings frowned on this, so my mother told me Petunia was going to live on a farm…I believed her till I was thirty. Apparently I am still mourning the loss…

Back to squirrels…they are evil I say.  My wife and I have a cabin that we go to every few months. It’s called the Squirrel cabin, as every cabin at this retreat has a name.  I was going to ask why it was called Squirrel, but it did not take long for me to find out…apparently the squirrels LOVE this cabin…in fact they run across the roof all day and night.  If that’s not bad enough one particular squirrel…I call him, Evil Squirrel, has decided he does not like me.  I’m not being paranoid, honest.

I was eating dinner outside one evening, enjoying the night air when Evil Squirrel came for a visit.  I watched him scurry along the branches all the way to a branch right over me, how cute. Well…he pooped on me, can you believe it…my wife hurt herself laughing.  If that is not bad enough, the next morning I found squirrel pop on my chair. You can’t tell me it was not squirrel poop, and that it was not Evil Squirrel poop…I know it was! I bet you cute furry bunnies aren’t running rampant all over Bunny Cabin…and bunnies can’t climb trees.  I refuse to sleep at Owl Cabin…Owls fly and are nocturnal. I’m not sleeping in Grouse Cabin either…there is a history there with me and grouse…but that’s a story for another day.

God Bless, Julia

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12 thoughts on “Squirrels Are Evil

  1. You made me laugh out loud this morning! Naughty squirrel! Intentionally pooping on you and your chair!!! That conjures up quite an image LOL!

      • Unlike your wife, I didn’t hurt myself but it was a close call LOL! Have a great weekend and if you will be around Evil squirrel….wear a hat and get a picture of him! You must protect the public from his evilness LOL.

  2. I have a zillion squirrels in the backyard competing with the bunny, the raccoon, the skunk (sorry, Petunia 😦 ), and a billion birds for the seed I put out. I will make sure they get little ear plugs so they don’t hear they are evil. I’d hate for them to develop complexes. There just aren’t enough shovels in the world for that much evil squirrel poop. 😉

  3. I can’t believe you hate squirrels! We were once in a cabin that was exactly the same as yours. (Though it didnt have a name) and I just loved watching the squirrels eat the nuts we laid for them outside on the table, while we we’re eating lunch inside. But I practically love all little rodents and rabbits.

    • obviously you have not met the pooping Evil Squirrel, lucky you, lol. I don’t actually hate any animal, I just would rather they not poop on me 🙂

  4. I deplore squirrels, ever since this past May when one killed one of my parakeets. Evil Murderous Squirrel entered the bird cage on the veranda and killed my little bird. 😦

  5. Ah, now come on… let’s be fair… they’re not all evil. There are some good squirrels too, and I provide the evidence below. Disclaimer: nothing you see below has been “enhanced” in any way.

    But if you really don’t like squirrels, maybe a kitten can help?

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