My Greatest Fear

148407750191028112_wtdLZNs8_bWe all have fears, some silly, some not so silly, however I have found that most of my little fears can be lumped together under a more general fear. What I fear most…and what has led to my greatest mistakes in life…is the fear of not being loved. The fear that the people I love will go away, stop loving me, or never loved me. When I was younger, that fear was much bigger then it is now…the crazy ass things I did for love could fill a novel.  As I get older I find it less likely that I would publicly humiliate myself…well on purpose anyway.  Fear can keep us, or delay us, from our destiny. Fear can keep us from doing what is in the best interest of ourselves.

I have to be careful with this fear because there are people who have known me for years…family, ex-family…that use my fear to manipulate situations. That is convoluted talk for…everyone knows I will do anything for my kids. Basically I know that when push comes to shove, I would throw myself in front of a train for my children. I have been known to take life threatening risks for other people’s children as well.  An example: risking contracting something while giving a child, who was bleeding from the mouth, CPR. I know that I wear my heart on my sleeve…my mother use to worn me about it all the time…but at least I have a heart that can be broken. The alternative is to be a selfish, egomaniacal, bit**. Not that I have anyone in mind, or a few people, ok, maybe two, lol. Oh well…Live, Love , Laugh…

God Bless, Julia

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2 thoughts on “My Greatest Fear

  1. It’s a very human condition and not something to beat yourself up about. I am a huge fan of Ingrid Bacci’s writings on this subject, and keep The Art of Effortless Living by my bedside – if you can get hold of a copy of that or Fear-less Now, you might find it interesting. Best wishes. A

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