Remember when your kids were little, and you suddenly realised that the house was too quiet…you knew that the little dickens were up to no good. Even though three of my children are in their twenty-somethings, I believe the same rule applies…they’re in trouble. If everything was going well, they would be calling, and telling me all about how wonderful they are…but when the sh** hits the fan…silence. They don’t want me to know that they spent all their money on Star Wars memorabilia, or got fired for spending too much time staring at their feet. so for all the twenty-somethings out there here is some advice for better communication…
1. Mom has known you since before you were born…in other words, you probably are not going to surprise her.
2. Moms have “mommy instinct,” it’s like radar, or eyes in the back of her head…she already knows something is up.
3. The truth always comes out…sooner or later, she going to know, even if she doesn’t tell you she knows.
4. Mom is not dumb…maybe she can help.
5. You may seem to be driving your mom crazy, and she may even say that to you…but you’re not.
6. Mom loves you…call her.
Now this being said, I must add a disclaimer. Some moms are not like this…some moms eat their young. So if your mom is one of those child eating kinds, ignore my advice, and talk to dad.
A closing note for my three sons…I’m not the child eating kind, ;).
For years I worked with autistic children. My approach was often different from other therapists…I always interacted with others as though they were as,”normal,” as any other child. I read them books, we played, we learned the things that anyone of their age would be learning, we pursued activities that they showed genuine interest in. They may have not been able to talk…but they were communicating, and it was my job to,”listen,” to what they were trying to tell me. This video validates all those years of work…I knew then that I was understanding, and that I was understood…this just fills my heart with joy.
People say lots of things, including a lot of lies. We lie to ourselves and others about what we think and feel, mostly in order to present ourselves in the most favorable way possible. I’m not saying that we are all horrible people who seek out to screw with the world every day. I just think that life is hard sometimes, and that we lie in order to make it a little easier…even if it’s only lying to ourselves. It’s easy to tell a lie but REALLY hard to live one.
I know this first hand of course because I was married to a man for eighteen very long years. I did what, at the time, I thought I was supposed to do…actually I thought it was the easy thing to do. Pretend you are like everyone else and no one will know what is really in your heart…yeah, well, that doesn’t work. In fact what it does do is make you really miserable, as well as everyone around you. This is obviously a big lie to live but we all live the little lies every day.;
We say we love our job, spouse, friends…but really we do not and everyone can see it in the way we behave. It’s hard to pretend you’re happy all the time when you are not. You can tell when someone is lying about things by the way they behave. You get that little nagging feeling in the back of your mind that the pieces of the puzzle are not really fitting together. Usually we ignore those feelings because we want to believe what the person is telling us. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
We all have fears, some silly, some not so silly, however I have found that most of my little fears can be lumped together under a more general fear. What I fear most…and what has led to my greatest mistakes in life…is the fear of not being loved. The fear that the people I love will go away, stop loving me, or never loved me. When I was younger, that fear was much bigger then it is now…the crazy ass things I did for love could fill a novel. As I get older I find it less likely that I would publicly humiliate myself…well on purpose anyway. Fear can keep us, or delay us, from our destiny. Fear can keep us from doing what is in the best interest of ourselves.
I have to be careful with this fear because there are people who have known me for years…family, ex-family…that use my fear to manipulate situations. That is convoluted talk for…everyone knows I will do anything for my kids. Basically I know that when push comes to shove, I would throw myself in front of a train for my children. I have been known to take life threatening risks for other people’s children as well. An example: risking contracting something while giving a child, who was bleeding from the mouth, CPR. I know that I wear my heart on my sleeve…my mother use to worn me about it all the time…but at least I have a heart that can be broken. The alternative is to be a selfish, egomaniacal, bit**. Not that I have anyone in mind, or a few people, ok, maybe two, lol. Oh well…Live, Love , Laugh…
As a child my family always came together at the end of the day to eat dinner. Don’t get me wrong…I do not look back at my childhood fondly remembering how much better it was then. It would be a much better memory if I had been sitting down to dinner with someone else’s family, ;>. But you get what you get, and I prefer to look at it for the few positives that it gave. It did give us all a chance to reconnect with each other…and especially for the parents to stay connected and interested in their teenager’s lives. The family’s values beliefs, and culture were shared around the table as part of the conversation and the food.
With this in mind…I bought a new dining room table. A big move in our house as we have not really had a dinning room at all for the last few years. As I work from home most of the time, and my wife has a hobby that takes up a lot of space, (you wouldn’t think scrapbooking would involve so much space, but it does in our house, :>)…our lives had taken over the dinning room for what seemed like more important needs. so with a little rearranging, and the moving of heavy furniture, I claimed space for the table.
So almost evening for the last three weeks we have gathered around the table to break bread together. I love it!…we now say grace again before our meals, we talk about our days, and laugh out loud about it. I’ve even tried some “traditional Scottish foods,” never going near haggis though. Robby Burns day is coming up…maybe I should plan a little scottish food…no haggis!…and Guiness for the grown ups. The Jamie Oliver cookbook I got for Christmas is going to come in handy.
As a side note, I love the name of Jamie Oliver’s children; Daisy, Poppy, Petal, and Bud…three girls and a boy…too cute.
Have you ever had one of those days where you should have just stayed imbed hiding under the covers?…that was yesterday for me. It started off fine lulling me into a sense of security just before it was about to bite me on the butt.
I was working on a window for a local church and all was going well. I needed some green glass and went to retrieve it front cache in the basement. I accidentally banged the side of the piece as I was lifting it up…but thought nothing of it…mistake number 1. While moving the piece on the table I sliced through my finger on the raw edge I created by banging it earlier… Mistake number 2. So off to the hospital to sew part of my finger back on…the photo is the least offensive view of the said appendage.
Several hours later upon leaving the parking lot, I discovered that in my haste not to bleed all over the ground, I had locked my keys in my car…mistake number 3. Well, $65 and an hour later I was in my car, thanks tow truck guy. By this time, I have to go straight to work.
There were several other small mishaps along the way…I should have stayed in bed, so today that’s exactly were I’m writing this from 😉
I’ve always wanted to go to Paris. it may be because I was born and raised in another French speaking city…Montreal. It could be because of the art, or the churches filled with Stained glass. It could be because it is filled with history. Or maybe because I think of it as the most romantic city in the world…who does not want to kiss under the Eiffel Tower?
So I’ve decided that for my fiftieth birthday I want to go to Paris. If I say that now I have over a year to plan for it. I haven’t told my wife yet… I guess when she reads this she will figure it out. (You can come too Hun, but lets leave the kids home 🙂 ). Then again maybe she doesn’t read my blog, I guess this is a good way to find out, lol.