Following along the destiny road a little further….I think there are people in our lives that are destined to be there. this may seem weird but I know that when I meet someone new, that ends up being important to me, I can remember that moment me met vividly even years later. Why is it that even though I meet and talk to dozens of people each day, that when I meet my, life changers, that they almost seem to have an aura about them…a cosmic neon sign that says, “This One!!!”. Does anyone else get this feeling?…Maybe I am weird. ;>.
I’ve always been the kind of person that had a few very close relationships instead of a bunch of more superficial ones. It use to drive my childhood best friend crazy….she had literally hundreds of friends, I had about eight. She would say,” you’re my best friend, but I just like to keep my options open.” She never felt loved enough because of her physical disabilities, (Hence why I gravitated towards being a special needs teacher for severely disabled children…destiny?…who knows). I don’t do the superficial relationship very well, I am not a social butterfly by any means.
I know that I love my family and friends ferociously…I’ve been called a mama bear in reference to my children. I can’t imagine my life without them.
Destiny…loaded word isn’t it? Most of the time I believe in one form of it or another…then there are the times when the whole destiny thing is too hard, and I want to believe in the randomness of the world. However, I do believe that the universe conspires us to go in a certain direction…it has happened too many times for me not to believe it. unfortunately, just because that particular road I am on is the one chosen for me, it does not mean that there are not huge boulders right smack dab in the middle of my way. I think we are given small successes to keep us on the road, and going in the right direction…the pebbles, rocks, and boulders we come across help us to learn and become stronger so we can travel further down the road to our destiny.
I’ve read that one’s destiny is the dream you once had for yourself as a child….before the world cruelly took it from you. I’m not sure that it is true for everyone…maybe you are lucky if you can remember your childhood destiny. I know that it is true for me…the most powerful positive childhood memories for me, all had to do with church, and art…it has taken forty years to get back on that road. Or maybe, I have always been on that road, but the boulders blocked my view. All I can do now is keep travelling…at least now I can see to the horizon.
When I was a teenager my brother and sister-in-law lived upstairs from me with their young son Jonathon. I spent a lot of time with Jonathon…I loved being with little children even back then. Jonathon had an undiagnosed problem with his speech…it was found that he was tough tied later…that made it difficult for him to speak. He had a stuffed toy dog that he carried with him everywhere…By age four that dog had no fur, eyes, or nose, it was the ugliest thing you had ever seen. My sister-in-law had tried to repair it as much as she could, but the stuffy…named, dog, because that was all Jonathon could manage…had been loved so much, it was a losing battle. Dog had to stay home when Johnathon went off to kindergarten…dogs go to dog school apparently…and slowely dog was left sitting on a shelf collecting dust, instead of memories.
When I saw this video I was immediately reminded of Jonathon, and my son Scott. Scott had an Elmo stuffy that he dragged…literally…with him everywhere. Elmo had hard plastic eyeballs, that would inevitably hit you in the head when Scott would swing him around. I can still hear the thud as they ricocheted off my ex-husband’s head…good memories. 🙂 Here is to those early childhood moments when you told all your secrets to a little stuffed animal.
Tonight on television, there is a program that will air on all the major networks called, “Stand Up To Cancer.” I have written about cancer before in this blog…I have been vocal about my hatred of this disease. Like so many others, cancer has left its mark on my family and friends. In many ways it has changed the course of my life, like nothing else. Both my wife and I, have autoimmune diseases, but still I find myself fighting cancer more than anything else. For the last thirty-five years the word, cancer, has been in my life…I want it out! So I ask that tonight, as you go about your lives, please stop and remember all the loved ones that you have lost, those that keep fighting, and those that have won the fight.
I am thinking of adding a cancer ribbon line of jewelry to my Etsy store. I will give all the proceeds to cancer research. I will keep you updated about this project.
It can’t be a good sign if it is only the second day of school for my Claire, and I’m already exhausted…nope, not a good sign. It is not even for a good reason, like watching three hours of Horders. Claire came in the door yesterday talking a mile a minute,excited about the new year…and a big stack of papers for me to sign…it happens every year. Claire has this habit of when her teacher even suggests that they may need, or have to do, something, that it now becomes a law for Claire. It reminds me of the scene in the,”Ten Commandments,” where Ramses says, “so lot it be written, so let it be done.” You can’t believe the panic in this child’s eyes, when I try to explain that she can wait one day to get a 1″ binder for her agenda. You would think the teacher is giving out lashings for noncompliance.
I knew that the Parti Québécois won the Quebec election yesterday before I went to bed…can’t say I was shocked. I’m impressed that they elected a woman, but that is where my good feelings end. I moved away from the city I love, Montreal, because I did not want my children to grow up in a place where they would be discriminated against because of their Mother tongue. Most people who do not, or have not, lived in Quebec, believe that I exaggerate the problem…I do not. After the election results were announced, and as the new Premier was giving her acceptance speech, a crazed gunman was shooting down people just outside the door, blaming the English for his acts. I would like to say that it was just one crazy person, but the discrimination in Quebec of the English is institutionalized, and it has become acceptable to treat the English-speaking Quebecer badly. This is allowed to happen in one of the most peaceful countries of the world…shame on us.
Do you hear that?…no?…that because it’s quiet. The first day of school means lots of running around and excitement, and then…silence. I miss her already, how pathetic is that? I know, I should be happy that she is back to school today, but it is bitter-sweet. She is a preteen now…suddenly worried about what others, her peers, are going to think. No kiss and hug goodbye, just a wave and a,”see ya.” I am grateful that she loves school and is liked by so many, it definitely makes life easier…but could she not humor me, and pretend she will miss me, even a little? 🙂 This is not a real problem, something that is eating away at me…just a little twinge of sadness that time goes much too fast. This can be fixed with the Scottish solution to all problems, a brew. 🙂
The other thing on my mind this morning is the provincial election in Quebec…was that a yawn?…I feel the same. I grew up in Montreal, where politics infuses every part of your life. Everyone is politically aware…sounds like an overstatement I know, but politics is taught in the schools and on the streets…that is the way it is. When I moved away from Montreal, I still kept track of the politics as though it had some impact on my life. Fifteen years later?…yawn, I just don’t care. Now I understand why the rest of Canada really does not care about, or understand the Quebec people. I understand them, but I just don’t care any more. I know that they will elect the right person…Quebecers are very politically astute, they know what they want and vote accordingly. Fifteen years ago I would be following how things were playing out from early this morning… now? yeah, not so much, I’m having a brew. 🙂